During the spring semester, junior year, I had found out that there is someone who I do not like that is currently working at my second job (it was an internship prior). Around the end of April, I was dropping off some papers when I went to talk to my supervisor about a client I am working with and how the client is doing. As we were discussing and playing catch up, I looked up and noticed a familiar face from college. “I think I know that person.” I said. “Yeah, that’s Oscar. He is really nice.” My supervisor said. I told her that we went to school together and we are officers for the same club. The BCBA (Board certified behavior analyst) told me that he was hired earlier in the semester. I did not know how I felt about him working there. I wanted to tell her that he was not that nice of a person. The pressure inside me was rising because I could not believe he was working here and who knew what kind of stuff he said to get hired there.
Inductions
My reason for disliking him started at the day of inductions for Psi Chi, the International honor society for psychology. I was on my way to campus with Leah, current social chair at the time. She told me that Oscar was lying about his involvement with some of the clubs and/or fraternities. Leah told me that he told her that he was involved with the executive board for one club. The liaison officer of the club friend said that he was a part of the executive board since she was on it. He also misinformed other clubs about him being on the executive board of Psi Chi. I could not believe what I was hearing. How could he dishonest. He was trying to get on my good side by putting up a facade.
During the inductions, I got cheated out of the position of being vice president of the club because the past president, Erica, exaggerated that I wasn’t a good secretary and I was so bad at my position that I had to switch my position to Historian. Which was not the case. I had to recently got an internship in the fall (2018), working as a behavior technician at a local clinic that works with children and teens with autism called Behavior Consultation and Psychological Services (BCPS). I told Erica that if she needed me to attend our executive meeting that she would need to let me know ahead of time so I could time off work. However, when she scheduled a meeting, she texts us during our chat to meet late minute and I couldn’t attend because I was at work. It got so bad that I had to attend a case meeting because the group thought I banned my role as secretary. I told them that it was hard for me to attend meetings if I am only told one day to a few hours in advance. I could not just leave my job or text them back. I did not want to seem rude nor get in trouble. Everyone in the group seemed to understand. And that is why I went from Historian to Secretary. I did not expect that Erica would try to pull a move like that, especially since she was the only person that wanted Oscar to be President. No one voted from him expect Erica and Abby won the vote to be the club President.
Fall Semester
Coming back from summer break, I was a little on edge because I did not know how the school year would go because I was a little bit on edge from what happened a few months back. We met back up on the Sunday before class and we introduced to the whole team. Oscar led the meeting because he thought Abby implied that he should lead because she forgot her notes. He went over the role of each position. I believed that He also told us that we had to raise our hands if we wanted to talk or if we had a question. The group only had eight people. I am wondering why he was trying to be so formal with a group of college kids. When all we wanted to do was have fun while providing cool club ideas to our peers.
I was the only one who felt that Oscar would be overbearing. At our second meeting, he reemphasized my duties as Secretary and that I was “beneath” him and Abby since they were respectively, Vice President and President. IT MADE ME UPSET! All roles should be viewed equally regardless of what you have to do. It only got worse from here. He would cut people off when they were talking mid-sentence. He would make it seem that other people’s ideas were not appalling enough for his liking. He had the nerve to take his peers ideas and reword it to his liking and try to spin it off like it was he original idea. Another problem I had was the he did not put in a lot of effort in the club like myself and the other exec board but he had a lot of say input to those who contributed the most. The icing on the cake was how the group atmosphere felt when he was around. It did not feel welcoming and it so bad to the point where a lot of us wanted to quit being in the club. Some of us tried talking to the President about how the VP, she tried talking to him but it didn’t help. Nevertheless we persisted. A lot of people enjoyed our ideas and segments for the fall. Most of the them anyway.
Spring Semester: 2020
We regrouped after a month later, and much needed, winter break. Oscar was not there at the first group meeting. The atmosphere felt so light and welcoming. Everyone was able to voice without people not trying to talk over you or rejecting your ideas as not good. We had planned out the remaining semester: fundraising events, coffee conversations, and many other fun items. This semester was better than last semester because Oscar was not able to stay as long due to his work overlaying with the meeting of the club. Abby was able to lead without Oscar trying to intervene or lead. Though he calmed down some, he still suggested random ideas for us to try. During one of the exec meeting, Oscar told us how he lied to people to get out of them to support a club he helps. What in his right mind, would think that we would lie to people to get money. I can only imagine what he would do get a job or position. Not only that, some drama came up with a couple people within the group. I was only told the things that wanted me to know and I will not put other people’s business out without their permission. It is called respect.
I wish I could describe how other meetings and club events went; sadly, I do not know great those meeting would have been due to the virus. Regardless, I am happy that I was able to attend the meetings and meet my peers when I had the chance.
Tips on How to Interact with People that Clash with your Personality and Beliefs
These tips do not go in any particular order.
- Accept that there are going to be people who are different than you and accept that you do not agree with everything that that person do.
- Be aware of what emotions you are feeling.
- Find healthy ways to communicate.
- Do not take it personally and be defensive
- If feel your anger rising faster than your thermostat, practice mindfulness.
- Keep conversations short, if possible
- Remember to always be kind! You do not want to be mean to the person because you reap what you sow and you do not want people being mean to you!
References
Chernyak, P., LPC. (2019, March 30). How to deal with people you don’t like. Retrieved April 12, 2020, from https://www.wikihow.com/Deal-with-People-You-Don%27t-Like
Dodgson, L. (2017, June 27). 8 ways to deal with people that you don’t like. Retrieved April 13, 2020, from https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/8-ways-to-deal-with-people-that-you-dont-like-a7810126.html
Patel, D. (2017, October 05). 12 ways successful people deal with people they dislike. Retrieved April 17, 2020, from https://www.forbes.com/sites/deeppatel/2017/10/02/12-ways-successful-people-deal-with-people-they-dislike/#3f0737f7f2ba
Patel, D. (2019, March 11). 11 ways successful people deal with people they don’t like. Retrieved April 17, 2020, from https://www.entrepreneur.com/slideshow/299719