I always thought that comparing myself would help me out. For example, when my friend makes a higher grade than you, then you would strive to study more to get a better grade on your next test. Your friend might even help you improve your study habits so you both can do well. I still have some friends in college like this. Another example of how comparing myself would be helpful. When I was in high school, my friend made a new club associated with UNICEF. I joined the group because I will give a source of water to people who do not have access.
However, these same people whom I view as my friends, I feel threatened by their success. Now, when I see my friends create a club or organization, it makes me feel like I won’t be able to contribute to campus or the community like my friends have. In addition to school, when I go to work and my supervisor ask someone to complete a certain task that I am capable of achieving. As a result, I felt useless like they did not see me as important as the other employees.
How did it Start?
I believe that it at the end of elementary school (5th grade). At the time, the people whom I taught were going to be friends till this day, would look at me bizarre because I was not seen as a cool person. People were not seeing me as ”cool” only get worse as soon as I entered middle school. Don’t get me wrong; I had some great times in middle school. However, I struggled to find a group of people who would invite me to socialize with them.
As middle school progressed, some of the students accused me of “trying too hard” or told me that I didn’t belong in the group because I was weird. I am an introvert, so it was difficult for me to approach new people and invite people. A lot of the time, my close friends would invite me to different events like Wyldlife, school dance, movies, etc.
Realization Made
Another reason that I think it started is a close family member (not my mother or father) would compare me to their youngest daughter or their sister. They would also complain about me not being able to hang out with friends or have a clean house for a guest to come over. The family member did it to me so much as a kid that I adapted the behavior to compare myself to my friends. It has negatively impacted me emotionally. I had a fear of missing out on something and people were enjoying their life more than I was. I was telling myself that other people’s lives were better than my own. Moreover, I started to hate my life and did not like being the person who I was. I had this idea that if I went out with my friends every week, or party every other weekend or start dating, then it would feel the void I was creating.
However, I know who I am now. I know that I do want to go out every weekend. Some of those weekends, I would like to play catch up on my reading. I know I am not too fond of parties that only consist of people drinking and not having fun. I want to go to a party with my friends who are willing to dance with me without having to worry about drinking alcohol to make it “more fun.”
Encouragement
I recently read a book called The Gifts of Imperfection by Dr. Brené Brown. In her book, she talks about letting go of comparison on Guidepost number 6. Dr. Brené (2010) talks about how we are wanting to be like other people. She says that we compare to individuals who are similar to ourselves. This is causing to be unhappy. It is all fun and games until we analyze how someone’s life looks better than our own.
Dr. Brené explains that “letting go of comparison requires constant awareness” (page 97). One idea she proposed was to get in touch with our creative side. According to Brown (2010), “Creativity, which is the expression of our originality, helps us say mindful that what we bring to the world is completely original and cannot be compared” (page 97). I like this quote because it made me think about how to find my own happiness. This is I started to write, paint, draw, and dance because I know that no one can take what inspires me to be me.
How will you find your creativity? Here is Dr. Brené Brown “DIG Deep” tips for promoting creativity:
Get Deliberate: If creativity is seen as a luxury or something we do When we have spare time, it will never be cultivated. I carve out time every week to take and process photographs, make movies, and do art projects with the kids. When I make creating a priority, everything in my life works better.
Get Inspired: Nothing inspires me more than my friendship with the Lovebombers, a group of artists, writers, and photographers whom I met online and spend a long weekend with every year. I think it’s important to find and be a part of a community of like-spirited people who share your beliefs about creativity.
Get Going: Take a class. Risk feeling vulnerable and new and imperfect and take a class. There are wonderful online classes if you need more flexibility. Try something that scares you or something you’ve dreamt about trying. You never know where you’ll find your creative inspiration (page 97).
References:
Brown, B. (2010). Guidepost #6 Cultivating Creativity: Letting Go of Comparison. In The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. Hazelden.