First Week of March 2020
The first week of March was pretty stress. On Sunday my great Aunt Jean went into the hospital again. My grandmother, her only living sibling, went to visit her at the hospital. She was on life support when my grandmother visited that Sunday. I visited on Monday and she was breathing on her own. I had some hope that she would make. However, she was not waking up though. Tuesday, we found my aunt had a stroke at the back of the brain stem and she was put back on life support. The brain stem controls messages between the body and the brain; it controls your basic functions like breathing, swallowing, heart rate, blood pressure, consciousness, and being sleep or wake. So when the brain stem got hurt, there was nothing the doctors, my family or I could do. Only Jesus could do the miraculous. If it was in His will for her to live, when the doctor took her off the life support she would have kept her breathing. However I had a feeling that it was only a matter on time before she would be with the Lord.
On Thursday, March 5th, her husband decided to take her on life support and she peacefully went to heaven. I was scared and I wept a lot that day. It was also reminded that there is one thing that no one can escape or avoid- and it’s death.
My aunt was not the only person in my family who passed away. About four months ago from March, my grandmother lost her niece to cancer. It was terminal. She left to be with Lord on Tuesday, November 12th.
Second Week of March (8th-14th)
Currently on spring break of my senior year in college; I was going through some shock and feeling a little down. I could not enjoy my break the way I wanted to because I had to attend a funeral on that Saturday. My mood lighten up a little bit, on Wednesday, March 11th is when I received an email from the IRB (Institutional Review Board) finally approved my senior thesis project. It took a little over two months of revision and editing on my IRB study. “Finally, I can start collecting data for my project” I told myself.
The next day, my family from Connecticut came down to celebrate the life of my aunt Jean. We hung out at the house they rented. Reminder, the spread of the coronavirus (COVID-19) was a growing concern in the United States. We laughed and shared stories about our aunt; some of us were upset with her husband and the way her treated her up until her passing. He was not nicest person and was very arrogant. Nevertheless, we enjoyed each other company and it made me feel better.
On Friday, March 13th...
East Carolina University sent an email about extending our spring break to the following Friday, March 20th. I wanted to be happy but I couldn't. I put on a façade around my family because I was miserable. Colleges were transitioning to online classes due to COVID-19. Though I had two classes online already, it would not be a huge adjustment in my school schedule . However, reality did not hit me until a few days later. Regardless, I hung out with my family and we enjoyed each other company.
Saturday was the day of the funeral. My cousin and his family came down from Maryland. All the family wore some form of red (since red was her favorite color). The funeral was a little over an hour and it was beautiful. I do not want to go into details but I am going to miss her. She was so close to seeing me graduate college. She has been to all my graduation ceremonies starting from elementary school and all the way through high school. Overall, great to spend time with family.
I Haven't Felt This Sad in Awhile
On Sunday morning, my grandmother cooked breakfast for the family. That evening, my cousin from Maryland wife, Kerranne, made Jamaican food. I tried jerk chicken for the first time and it was amazing. Monday and Tuesday, I was slowly adjusting to my new temporal new normal. I still had work and family still in town. We switched from teaching dance in person to online. It was not bad but something to adjust too. By Wednesday, most of my family left to go back home and I had a chance to be by myself, I realized that I would not be able to collect data for my thesis. I have been working on thesis since the end of junior year (May 2019). I felt that all my hard work had gone to waste. I was so close to the finish line.
I cried a river. I felt defeated, I did all this hard work on preparing the powerpoint, data collection sheets, and any work on my thesis was swept away the virus. I felt that the end of senior year was ruined. My mother let me cry on her shoulder and talk out my frustration. She told me that it was not my fault that the virus was not contained when it first arrived in the States. She knew that I was not the only student who felt this way. She was right, I wasn’t the only one who felt this one. Crossing off travel plans, graduation data/grad pictures, prom, and so many other think. I feel sympathetic to the people who are in the same boat as me. All the 5th, 9th and 12th graders who are graduating this year like myself. I know that this pandemic is new to everyone but will get through this together.
Grief
Regardless if you had a loved one who recently passed, feeling extra sad about how the end of the school is turning out to be or whatever; you are probably experiencing a lot of emotions. Anger, guilt, sadness. Just like my mom told me, I could not blame myself for the virus coming to the United States. The same goes for the doctors who helped diagnose my aunt Jean when she was in the hospital. I know there are some people who will blame doctors for not doing enough; others will feel guilty for noticing the symptoms or checking up on them daily. While I felt sad about a lot of things happens over the course of a couple week. My therapist said that I was experiencing grief.
The American Psychological Association defines grief as the anguish experienced after significant loss, usually the death of beloved one.
Stages of Grief
There are five stages of grief.
- Denial is the first stage of grief process. When you are in denial, you are trying to figure out what happened and understand why it happened, while trying not to acknowledge what has happened. You are in disbelief.
- Anger is the second stage of grief. Many people will feel angry when that special person or pet passes away. Sometimes it is the emotion people release first. It is expressed by getting upset or showing rage when you experience emotional discomfort.
- Bargaining is the third stage of grief. You feel desperate to the point that you are willing to do anything to relieve the emotional pain. Basically, you are offering request to God, someone of higher status, to try to change the current outcome of the situation. During this stage, you focus on personal faults or regrets.
- Depression is the fourth stage of grief. You are slowly starting to come to the reality of what happened. Sadness begins to grow, tend to isolate yourself and become less social.
- Acceptance is the final stage of grief. You are at the point where you do not feel any pain.
Remember, that grief is nonlinear.
Encouragement
Remember that grief is NOT the same for everyone.
- Offer support the best way you can while trying not to fix them.
- Seek support from family, friends, or people you can trust.
- Acknowledge what you are feeling. Remember that grief is the natural process of loss.
- Give yourself time to go through the process.
- Find a support group.
- Go to a therapist to help guide your thoughts and emotions.
I am no expert on how one should who grieve but I do that if you read the articles, find the right to confide in, and give yourself the proper time, will be okay in the end. Remember, “tough times never last forever but tough people do”-Robert S. Schuller.
References
Clarke, J., MA. (2020, March 21). What to know about the five stages of grief. Retrieved April 7, 2020, from https://www.verywellmind.com/five-stages-of-grief-4175361
Cohut, M., Ph.D. (2017, November 10). How to cope with grief. Retrieved April 7, 2020, from https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/320032#Acknowledge-and-accept-your-feelings
Holland, K. (2018, September 25). What You Should Know About the Stages of Grief. Retrieved April 7, 2020, from https://www.healthline.com/health/stages-of-grief#background
Smith, M., MA, Robinson, L., & Segal, J., Ph.D. (2019, November). Coping with grief and loss. Retrieved April 7, 2020, from https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm
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