Mixed Emotions
After a few weeks of preparation and years of going through life, all summed up in one book. The day, December 20, 2022, has come when I take another step in healing. I would speak with students about my journey of writing a book.
Yes, you read that correctly. A book. Nine chapters explaining my truth.
I am stepping on the other side of the road where I am the adult, not a kid. Not as a teen. A graduate from high school and undergrad, not just a teen waiting to graduate. The person who will speak words of encouragement, give advice and identify pain points that have shaped my life.
Many emotions have run through my body: excitement for a new opportunity and experience, nervousness about stepping out of my comfort zone, anxiety because I do not know how it will turn out, and I want to present myself well. I will give three presentations to three different grades where I once was. A moment of history, a moment of reflection, a moment of awe.
As I drove toward EBA. Flashbacks are spinning in my mind; my mom, when she could, drove me to school—walking to class, putting stuff in my locker, going to band class, and doing countless projects in the computer lab and classroom. I start to feel tears coming down my face. I pray to God, telling Him that He has anointed me and made me for this moment. He would not have given me this moment if He didn’t think I was not ready.
As I walk towards the library, more questions pop into my head: who will I impact? What do I want to leave behind? All I ask is for one. Much prep has gone into this presentation, such as words of encouragement and affirmation.
This opportunity came at a great time. I have two amazing women coming to support me. They were a part of the life group I led at Koinonia. One took pictures while the other coached me through the presentation.
First Presentation: 6th grade
While sitting up in the library, Miss Cox, the media coordinator, helped me organize the visit alongside Miss Kennedy, a school counselor at E.B.Aycock. Miss Kennedy bracelet introduced me this year before she had to attend her zoom meeting. Some of the students were eager to ask questions about how I got interested in writing when I started writing and how many books I had written before Miss Kennedy introduced me. Throughout the presentation, I engaged with the students by asking them some questions; to hear their experiences about what they liked about middle school and what they missed about elementary school.
After concluding the presentation, they were passionate about knowing what I saw while I traveled, the process of writing a book, and what advice I will give to young, inspiring authors. So many other great questions. Some students stay behind to get me to sign copies of my book. Someone asked if I brought any books with me cause they wanted to read. One of the students named E came up to me and said he was going to read my book and compare some of the experiences that he was going through. He had told me that he wanted to write a book about his experiences and wanted to thank me in his book. There were plenty of thoughts in my mind:
- I said yes to writing a story that impacted teens/preteens to write their own stories.
- Knowing my willingness to be open encouraged others
- I saw out a promise to reach my target audience in person
- I impacted more than one person
I also realized how successful I was. Despite many thoughts of fear and feeling like a failure, these students saw me as successful. I accomplished reading a book as a young adult. They were able to relate to some of the things I wrote. They said they enjoyed reading my book. Everything I know Holy Spirit and other people in my circle told me. After taking a quick picture, he left to go back to class. I jumped for joy.
Adonica, my friend/coach, told me how proud she was of me. Proud of me. She knew how much I had to step out and put my went on this opportunity to speak. To hear her say that meant that she was pleased with how I spoke, engaged, and interacted with the students. Our hard work had paid off. Of course, there are still ways to improve. The first one down was a massive step in the right direction. And I couldn’t have been happier. Adonica had to leave shortly after because of other activities she had planned. But I know she left confident that the other two presentations would be just as good as the first. And she was right.
Deeper COnversation: 8th Grade
This presentation unlocks the door to expressed interest in mental health. One of the young, black teen girls as if I had depression, and I was honest and said yes. When the presentation concluded. Quite a few black girls stayed behind to ask questions about depression and mental health. They asked: how do you deal with depression? What do you do when you have depression? What made you speak up to talk about your depression?
I guided the girls in my experience with depression and what it looks like and what you may not think it looks like. I told them I coped with everything by acting happy, being poised, and having good grades. I covered up because I had a hard time trusting people. That was me then, a scared teen unable to reach out. The adult I now want to be a voice for people who didn’t realize they had options and they were available to them—huge props to these girls for being bold to ask questions. I’m glad they felt comfortable in a library to ask and discuss it with me.
In-Between Conversations
Tanya, a friend who was taking pictures, told me how she was excited for me. The students were eager and paid attention to what I had to say that I left them wanting more. That I made them hungry. I saw some former teachers: Mrs. Pou, my 6th-grade math teacher, and Mr. Flowers, my 6th-grade ELA teacher. Miss Kennedy stayed during the 8th-grade presentation and eventually the 7th grade. 
She said she saw a different side of the kids. Some of the students were troubled students from various reasons. That they saw how relatable I was, and they saw themselves in my story. Another surreal moment was when I saw Miss Cox start to label my books for the students to check out to read. Seeing what I went through was worth it because my words matter to these kids. Hope will be instilled because they can see how it got better for me; their circumstances will improve despite how they feel in their current situation. Some will use my book as a reference to writing their book. My book will be a part of my middle school even beyond me. I left my legacy for future middle schoolers to read.
Last One... For Now: 7th grade
This grade is right in the middle. They were still wondering how to make friends and how to deal with Lily. They asked whether I remembered the words spoken to me when I was bullied. Yes and no. I remember some of the things the bullies have said to me, some of which I don’t remember because I blocked them out of my mind to protect myself. Another question asked if I saw any of the people that bullied me. And I told him that I didn’t interact with any of the people who bullied me. However, I do wish them well in their life. I told the students that I didn’t blame them for how they bullied me because I didn’t know what went on in their homes and what they saw.
It could be why they reacted the way they did because they don’t feel like they have a voice in their home, so I don’t blame them. One of the students, called Y, wanted to talk 101 with me. I could see myself in her shoes. She was quiet, shy, a little timid quiet, and a little scared to speak up in front of others; she told me about her situation with her mom and her two younger sisters, some bullion that had happened, and her financial problems, I gave her some of us based on what she told me. I hugged her and told her to reach out if she needed me; she could talk to Miss Kennedy or Miss Cox for my email.
Summary
I made it. I am still here. I got the chance to see the impact and did what I said I would do. I had to chance to help teens/preteens, and they reached out for advice. I told Miss Kennedy I would like to meet with them again in the spring.
Encouragement
Teleaha, this is for you to remember. This is for you to remember. Take the time to reflect on this post, and remember that your words and voice have power! All you have to do is believe. You are gifted and anointed to help these middle schoolers. Keep persevering and keep your head held high. You got this! Some people in your life right now genuinely care about you and want to see you go after better. There are more people out there who need you.
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