Teleaha Dozier-Grady

24 Going On to Be a Quarter
- Lifestyle
It has been three weeks since my birthday.

I made it a whole year. 365 days. God has kept me from dangers seen and unseen; stayed with me through the ups and downs. I got COVID for the first time in October 2022. I traveled internationally twice and paid for it myself. I led my first life group at Koinonia and was able to help people get out of their comfort zone. They have helped me as well to encourage me out of my comfort zone and be my authentic self. I published my first book in September 2022, and I was able to impact my target audience, middle school. I helped out with the youth dance team at Koinonia with a couple of performances. I didn’tdidn’t get into a Master’s program about midway into 2022. However, God sent a messenger to explain that I needed to develop my spiritual gifts and recognize His voice. A huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I was able to go on a couple of girls’ trips. I was able to tithe and give more at my church. I got a raise at my job. And so many other amazing things. As I reflect on year 24, my Kobe year, here are some things I have learned.
1. Confidence
At the beginning of 2022, I was shy and lacked confidence in who I was. I didn’t know my full identity. I didn’tdidn’t trust the character of God, and I reacted as if He couldn’t handle my problems or control them. I didn’tdidn’t have a strong relationship with God because of fear and lack of knowledge of how to be intimate with Him. However, God is an amazing God, and He placed the right people in my path to help me develop my walk with Christ by giving a word of encouragement (at the right moment), sending a sermon, recommending a book, giving me a hug, etc. God had placed me into situations that boosted my confidence by allowing people to tell me what I prayed for and spoke to them had come to pass, leading people, being able to hear His voice when I am quiet and still, being consistent in reading His Word and getting comfortable to ask Him questions and talk to Him. I had therapy to help work on issues that allowed me to work on why I lack confidence. I got comfortable letting people know that I needed help in this area.
2. Doing What I Said I Would Do
I told myself that I wanted to travel. And I could travel to Egypt and Brazil (more on this later). I was determined to pay for it myself, and I did it. Back in 2020, while I was developing and writing my book, I wanted to make an impact on middle school students, and I followed through by publishing a book. On December 20, 2022, I completed the mission was accomplished. On a vision board, I wanted to be more consistent with spending time with God. With time, I was more consistent with the help of my sisters in Christ. As a kid, I wanted to be a dance instructor, and I taught for five years at a Greenville Civic Ballet, a studio I grew up dancing.
3. Prioritize
Through year 24, I had to learn to think about what worked best for me. I was nervous about going on vacation to Egypt. I was concerned about their dance recital (towards the end of the school year) because the students couldn’t ask their teacher to help. Plus, I was working a second job as well. Once, I had people to cover for me and ensure both jobs knew in advance that I would be gone in a week. I had the best time of my life. I enjoyed being myself and learning about the world. I took that time to relax and sightsee. I had to step away from being a dance instructor to prioritize myself. I didn’t want to step away from a place that was my second home. I knew what God told me to do, and I had to obey. It was uncomfortable, but I knew being uncomfortable would help me grow.
4. Build Faith
Through Koinonia, I grew in my faith. For the past three going on four years. I learned how to respond instead of react; how to handle my anger; how to study the word; be consistent and spend time in His presence; how to communicate with God; how to find meaningful relationships, how to develop my gifts and talents, and so many other things. I understand that we need others to help us toward to go of God’s purpose. These beautiful people helped me become who God has called me to be, and they help me mature each day. People were placed in my life to give me a word of tough love or encouragement. Without these people, I would not be the person I am today.
5. Having Fun
Life is not always about work and sleep. You have to live to have a life. I took the time to travel and see what the world has to offer. I met some incredible people along the way. I learned a little more about the world God created for us to live in. I planned a dance party, and each person had to bring food based on their chosen color. I incorporated time to spend with my friends. I made plans to go out to dinner to fellowship; some supported me in publishing my first book, serving the community, working on exercising, and doing plenty of great activities. Sometimes fun isn’tisn’t always easy for me because I’m used to doing things by myself, but once God planted the right people into my life, learning to have fun and be social was worth it.

What are some goals for myself?

1. Using my voice. Continue to be okay to speak up,e encourage and comfort those around me, and do all these things in love. Continue to speak on my pain of what happened in my life because someone needs to hear my story.
2. Be Present
3. Continue to Enjoy life
4. Buidlign Foundation for my spritual gifts
5. Healthy meal planning and exercise
6. Obey God on what He tells me to do regardless if it makes me uncomfortable
7. Consistence on spending time in God’s presence through scripture, prayer, and meditation

Encouragement

I encourage you and me to continue to go after better. For me, it’s year 25. God has brought me through a lot of things. I had only touched the base of the few things I learned when I was 24. I’m thankful that God has been with me all the way, and I know there is a lot more healing I have to go through for myself, but I have come a long way. I will continue to read books to help me understand myself and how to heal from the pain and trauma. I will continue to go to therapy to understand and accept myself. I will like to thank all my friends, acquaintances, etc., who helped shape me into who I am. I will continue to say yes and be obedient to you, Father, who will continue to help me on my path. Whatever you made me celebrate, remember to stay positive and align yourself with Truth. It may not come when you want it to, but it will come on time. Some items you think were delayed were on purpose. The environment must be right, and you must mature to receive it. You need the right person in the corner. This year is going to be great!

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Fear Series: My Terror of Saying No
- Mental Health
Some of the posts was written when I was still in undergraduate. I am going back to tie up some loose ends.

Is saying no an introvert or extrovert thing?
There is a misconception that introverted people are shy and don’t have excellent communication skills, and you’re mistaken. It is neither an introvert nor an extrovert thing; it is a human thing!
I recently went to my therapist for a monthly checkup. I told her some of the things I had been feeling. I told her how I broke down and cried in front of my mother about not being able to have a break during spring break 2019 (March 3-10). I explained how I felt like my friends were able to get a break from both work and school. I wasn’t rewarded with that luxury. Though I was mentally and physically exhausted. My therapist said it sounded like I didn’t know how to prioritize my break because I felt like I didn’t need to care for myself. She said that the reason I was feeling was the absolute best reason for a break. Sometimes it is okay to say “no.” I told her I didn’t have a good reason to say “no.” “Not being mentally exhausted and taking care of yourself is not a good reason to say that you can’t subclasses?” She continued to explain that my friends and coworkers prioritized taking a break and getting away from Greenville/ECU. I also explained to her that I wanted to work at something other than dance over the summer. She expressed her thought on why I shouldn’t work at dance over the summer because it was not helping me develop as a person. She asked me if there were things that I wanted to do over the summer. I had a lot of things that I wanted to try over the summer:
Be a camp counselor
Take art classes in drawing and painting
Travel
Take dance classes but not teach dance
Take classes/go to conferences that expand my knowledge
Research
Work more at my internship
She said it was a good idea to partake in these things because she could tell that getting involved would help me grow and develop.
Why am I afraid to say no?

I assumed all the responsibility fell on my shoulders. I thought things would fall apart if I weren’t there to help. I was frightened. I was scared to disappoint, scared to be rejected, and scared to let people down for whatever reason made up in my mind. I wanted to show that I could be helpful. If I said no, I thought they would frown upon me. To keep people feeling happy, I thought saying yes would help. I didn’t want to see people sad, angry, or disappointed because I said no. I was so focused on other people’s well-being that I lost sight of my own.
Another reason, I had this assumption that I would be considered a mean person. When I was a teen when I tried to say no. I was told that I was being mean or I didn’t care. When I was a teen and tried to say no, I would get negative responses. Some adults in my immediate would tell me how much they have done for me and what they did for me. I understand now as an adult that some could easily persuade me to do what they wanted without them doing any of the work, especially those who I considered “friends.” I wanted to avoid any confrontation or drama.
The lack of saying no was also tied to what I thought was self-worth. My values were skewed. I wanted to prove to people that I was somebody. It was about getting validation and approval. I was about to be seen. I was overly concerned about other people, their needs, and concerns that I often forgot my own needs. Since I am a perfectionist, I felt this need to control certain things because I was afraid it would not be done right or correctly. If I took things into my own hands, it would fit my standards. I lacked boundaries. I didn’t have any in place for myself and others. I didn’t know what boundaries were or how to establish them until I passed my pushing point.

What does not saying no lead to?

Saying yes to almost everything led me to be emotionally and mentally depleted. I was burnt out. I was going through the motions. I was running past E. I was not myself entirely. I was a robot. My body was telling me one thing, but fear had such a stronghold that I did the opposite. My self-esteem wasn’t there because I didn’t know how to balance, care, effort, and energy for others and myself. I missed out on some great opportunities to enjoy college because I placed work and school over the needs of my own.

Word of Encouragement

It is now 2022, almost 2023. I have learned a lot by saying no. It was knowing when to say appropriate and how to say it. It was difficult the first few times to say no. I was challenged because that fear was telling me not to say it. I felt relief, and nothing terrible happened when I said it. They went on to solve the problem if I was absent. For dance, when I was told I could not sub for them. They went on to find someone else.

If you are scared to say no, like I once was, I practiced saying no with my therapist. Eventually, it got easier to say. It was quiet at first and, with time, grew with confidence. Life will move on, and you will be okay when you say it. When you say no, you don’t have to give any reasons for saying no. I thought I had to own people an explanation as to why I was saying no. Give them some reason to believe me.

You have to do what is best for you.
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New Year: Faith Put Into Practice
- Lifestyle
This event took place on New Year’s Day in the evening.

Scary Call

“Teleaha put on your clothes; your mom is having chest pains!”
My grandma received a call from my aunt that my mom had chest pain around 10 PM. I had just finished texting my friends about Day 1 of Purpose Driven Life. I quickly got up from my bed and put on my clothes. Panic wanted to settle in my body, and I knew I couldn’t follow my feelings, so I went straight into praying.
I knew I asked God to help me with faith over fear. I had some agree with me in prayer at church earlier that day. I didn’t think I would have been put into practice this quickly.
As I’m driving to her house, God tells me to talk to Him as I drive. I told him that a million thoughts were going through my head. Doubt, fear, and anxiety. Also, hope, confidence, and faith.
My grandma and I arrive at her house. I called Adonica, a close friend, to pray for my mom and texted my squad. I knew it had to be either a stroke or a heart attack by how she looked.
The ambulance was already there before we arrived, and my aunt called them.
I wanted to comfort my dogs and my mom simultaneously, and I was determined to stay strong. I called my dad to let him know what was happening with my mother. He told me to let him know if he needed to come to support, and I told him, “I would.”
When they put my mom in the back of the ambulance, my grandma and I hopped in the car to meet them there. We couldn’t sit in the back with my mom because of COVID restrictions. The EMT said that they would take good care of her.

Arrival at the Hospital

I called Adonica about my mom, and after, my grandma went inside. She told me to pray and release my faith like never before. It is in God’s hands, and He is in control. She said it is okay to cry, release my emotions, and take deep breaths. We don’t know why she is sick; maybe this could bring us closer together. May its God’s way of having her slow down.
I asked the lady at the front desk where my mom was; she said that she was getting a CT or CAT scan. I went to the bathroom, and I saw my slightly red eyes. I prayed once more, knowing that my shouting and praise at church weren’t for me but for my mom and her healing. I spoke in His spirit. I do not know what I said, but I know He was with me at that moment. I felt comforted. I returned to my car; I updated my dad on the situation.
I asked God for a sign that everything would be alright. The first song played was Joy in the Morning, and the next song was Relax by Marvin Sapp. A total of 10 minutes went by, and my mom FaceTime me and talked to me, saying that she had a blood clot in her brain and was having a stroke.
Wow! What a way for God to get you to grow in faith and not have fear. I knew He did this to help me grow spiritually.

Joy In the Morning

There were a lot of wake-up calls and moments of realization. When my aunt called, you could tell that she had been crying. I know she was sad, my mom has done a lot for you, and you have realized that you could have lost her. I had to realize how God kept her overnight. God had given me peace over the situation because He was in control.
Flowers that I bought for my mom.
Around 1:00 PM, the doctor confirmed that MRI showed that my mom had a mini-stroke. The doctor explained that she would have to undergo significant lifestyle changes. She would no longer be able to smoke because she smokes in response to stress and would have to talk to someone about her anxiety and how to manage it. And she would need to wear a nicotine patch to help the withdrawal for a week.
I updated my friends about my mom’s condition and what the doctor said.

Tough Conversations

On Wednesday, January 4, I had a challenging conversation with my mom. She was moved to a different room where she could be more mobile. I talked to her about how I felt she cared and showed more concern for her sister than myself. I explained how I didn’t feel a part of her story. I expressed how I felt invisible to her when she didn’t make an effort to want to spend time with me or call me; and how she was more willing to spend time with her “boyfriend.” She didn’t spend every day or call me every second. She told me that she did show how she thinks about me by getting me shoes or clothes.
Mom, you should have noticed the point of the conversation. It is about your presence in my life. I want to tell my children how I spent my time with her. I told her that I had to change what I expected from my mother because I kept getting hurt. I told her that I did not fault her because of the environment she grew up in. There were some head nods between the exchange to acknowledge what was being said. My mom asked about getting our nails done on Saturday, and I agreed.
They released my mom on Thursday afternoon.

Encouragement

You don’t know or understand why you go through what you do or the timing of it all. I am happy to see how I have grown spiritually. My first response was to pray when I heard the bad news. I would have been an emotional wreck if I had to go through this last year. In those moments, I had to take the posture of being a child of God. Of course, I am my mom’s daughter. I knew Who had control over the situation.
No one wants to see their parents go through any bad. I know this was a wake-up call for her to prioritize herself and put herself first. For myself, I need peace to know that God will help my mom in whatever way that may be. I need to work on setting boundaries with my mom as well. He knows what is best for the best of us.

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Coming Full Circle: First Author Visit
- Lifestyle, School
Mixed Emotions

After a few weeks of preparation and years of going through life, all summed up in one book. The day, December 20, 2022, has come when I take another step in healing. I would speak with students about my journey of writing a book.
Yes, you read that correctly. A book. Nine chapters explaining my truth.
I am stepping on the other side of the road where I am the adult, not a kid. Not as a teen. A graduate from high school and undergrad, not just a teen waiting to graduate. The person who will speak words of encouragement, give advice and identify pain points that have shaped my life.
Many emotions have run through my body: excitement for a new opportunity and experience, nervousness about stepping out of my comfort zone, anxiety because I do not know how it will turn out, and I want to present myself well. I will give three presentations to three different grades where I once was. A moment of history, a moment of reflection, a moment of awe.
As I drove toward EBA. Flashbacks are spinning in my mind; my mom, when she could, drove me to school—walking to class, putting stuff in my locker, going to band class, and doing countless projects in the computer lab and classroom. I start to feel tears coming down my face. I pray to God, telling Him that He has anointed me and made me for this moment. He would not have given me this moment if He didn’t think I was not ready.
As I walk towards the library, more questions pop into my head: who will I impact? What do I want to leave behind? All I ask is for one. Much prep has gone into this presentation, such as words of encouragement and affirmation.
This opportunity came at a great time. I have two amazing women coming to support me. They were a part of the life group I led at Koinonia. One took pictures while the other coached me through the presentation.

First Presentation: 6th grade
While sitting up in the library, Miss Cox, the media coordinator, helped me organize the visit alongside Miss Kennedy, a school counselor at E.B.Aycock. Miss Kennedy bracelet introduced me this year before she had to attend her zoom meeting. Some of the students were eager to ask questions about how I got interested in writing when I started writing and how many books I had written before Miss Kennedy introduced me. Throughout the presentation, I engaged with the students by asking them some questions; to hear their experiences about what they liked about middle school and what they missed about elementary school.
After concluding the presentation, they were passionate about knowing what I saw while I traveled, the process of writing a book, and what advice I will give to young, inspiring authors. So many other great questions. Some students stay behind to get me to sign copies of my book. Someone asked if I brought any books with me cause they wanted to read. One of the students named E came up to me and said he was going to read my book and compare some of the experiences that he was going through. He had told me that he wanted to write a book about his experiences and wanted to thank me in his book. There were plenty of thoughts in my mind:
I said yes to writing a story that impacted teens/preteens to write their own stories.
Knowing my willingness to be open encouraged others
I saw out a promise to reach my target audience in person
I impacted more than one person
I also realized how successful I was. Despite many thoughts of fear and feeling like a failure, these students saw me as successful. I accomplished reading a book as a young adult. They were able to relate to some of the things I wrote. They said they enjoyed reading my book. Everything I know Holy Spirit and other people in my circle told me. After taking a quick picture, he left to go back to class. I jumped for joy.
Two people who came out to support me. Adonica is in the center, and Tanya is on the right.
Adonica, my friend/coach, told me how proud she was of me. Proud of me. She knew how much I had to step out and put my went on this opportunity to speak. To hear her say that meant that she was pleased with how I spoke, engaged, and interacted with the students. Our hard work had paid off. Of course, there are still ways to improve. The first one down was a massive step in the right direction. And I couldn’t have been happier. Adonica had to leave shortly after because of other activities she had planned. But I know she left confident that the other two presentations would be just as good as the first. And she was right.
Deeper COnversation: 8th Grade

This presentation unlocks the door to expressed interest in mental health. One of the young, black teen girls as if I had depression, and I was honest and said yes. When the presentation concluded. Quite a few black girls stayed behind to ask questions about depression and mental health. They asked: how do you deal with depression? What do you do when you have depression? What made you speak up to talk about your depression?
I guided the girls in my experience with depression and what it looks like and what you may not think it looks like. I told them I coped with everything by acting happy, being poised, and having good grades. I covered up because I had a hard time trusting people. That was me then, a scared teen unable to reach out. The adult I now want to be a voice for people who didn’t realize they had options and they were available to them—huge props to these girls for being bold to ask questions. I’m glad they felt comfortable in a library to ask and discuss it with me.

In-Between Conversations

Tanya, a friend who was taking pictures, told me how she was excited for me. The students were eager and paid attention to what I had to say that I left them wanting more. That I made them hungry. I saw some former teachers: Mrs. Pou, my 6th-grade math teacher, and Mr. Flowers, my 6th-grade ELA teacher. Miss Kennedy stayed during the 8th-grade presentation and eventually the 7th grade. She said she saw a different side of the kids. Some of the students were troubled students from various reasons. That they saw how relatable I was, and they saw themselves in my story. Another surreal moment was when I saw Miss Cox start to label my books for the students to check out to read. Seeing what I went through was worth it because my words matter to these kids. Hope will be instilled because they can see how it got better for me; their circumstances will improve despite how they feel in their current situation. Some will use my book as a reference to writing their book. My book will be a part of my middle school even beyond me. I left my legacy for future middle schoolers to read.

Last One... For Now: 7th grade

This grade is right in the middle. They were still wondering how to make friends and how to deal with Lily. They asked whether I remembered the words spoken to me when I was bullied. Yes and no. I remember some of the things the bullies have said to me, some of which I don’t remember because I blocked them out of my mind to protect myself. Another question asked if I saw any of the people that bullied me. And I told him that I didn’t interact with any of the people who bullied me. However, I do wish them well in their life. I told the students that I didn’t blame them for how they bullied me because I didn’t know what went on in their homes and what they saw.
It could be why they reacted the way they did because they don’t feel like they have a voice in their home, so I don’t blame them. One of the students, called Y, wanted to talk 101 with me. I could see myself in her shoes. She was quiet, shy, a little timid quiet, and a little scared to speak up in front of others; she told me about her situation with her mom and her two younger sisters, some bullion that had happened, and her financial problems, I gave her some of us based on what she told me. I hugged her and told her to reach out if she needed me; she could talk to Miss Kennedy or Miss Cox for my email.

Summary

I made it. I am still here. I got the chance to see the impact and did what I said I would do. I had to chance to help teens/preteens, and they reached out for advice. I told Miss Kennedy I would like to meet with them again in the spring.

Encouragement

Teleaha, this is for you to remember. This is for you to remember. Take the time to reflect on this post, and remember that your words and voice have power! All you have to do is believe. You are gifted and anointed to help these middle schoolers. Keep persevering and keep your head held high. You got this! Some people in your life right now genuinely care about you and want to see you go after better. There are more people out there who need you.
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Did Not Know I Had Injured Faith
- Lifestyle, Mental Health
There have been times when I was not okay because I was drained or didn’t know what to pray about, or lacked motivation. I was tired of praying because I had no stream and strength to keep pushing and moving forward and seeing others live out the things I wanted to do. I genuinely wanted to be happy for myself, but in my mind, I told myself that it would never happen for me. I was so injured that I became infected. I struggle with trusting God, waiting on God, doubt, fear, anxiety, depression, etc. I want to be positive and pray, but all I see is negativity.
I was doing good in reading scripture using the SOAP method; It felt like nothing was connecting. There were days when I felt so disconnected from God’s presence that I didn’t feel like I was making any progress towards anything. When I talked with God, I doubted that He heard me, and there were days when I didn’t felt His presence or hear His voice that made me felt invisible. When my prayers didn’t get answered, my mind gets clouded that I am not doing enough or didn’t deserve it, or I need to work harder cause I’m not working hard.
My thoughts can be dangerous, especially at night when I’m all alone and reticent around. Nothing to keep me busy or grab my attention. Just me lying in the dark. I go on social media, and my page is circulating more Christian-related videos with scriptures, clips of sermons, and testimony. And I felt tortured. I see how God is blessing them and having them live out their best life. I want to be living my best version of myself and accomplish the dreams and visions God has given me. But I felt stuck. I felt suffocated. I’m surrounded by amazing people doing extraordinary things, and it’s hard to keep my head up. Friends encouraged and sent me sermons and songs that would lift me. But it doesn’t stick. It just slides right off. I hear what you are saying, I saw how it worked for their lives, but I didn’t see it happening in my life. I’m scared to tell other Christians how I felt and what I was struggling with because I have tried talking with some of my closest family members about it, and it was not receptive. It started from “You need to stay positive” to “where is your faith at?” to “Why even go to church?” to “You should stop going to church because you’re not being positive.”
I am not going to lie; I have thoughts about stopping attending church. I had my mind made up to discontinue everything. I didn’t want to release my infection to others. What hurts most is that I was healing so well from childhood/teen wounds and parent relationships; I tumbled into another hole. Regardless of what my family said, I find myself still going to church—participating in a couple of ministries, taking notes, singing, and praising. I don’t know why. I felt like a hypocrite. A fraud. A fake. Cause it’s easier to be positive for others than for myself. They are already living out their dreams. I told myself that I would pray for them cause their prayers seemed to get answered more than mine.

I have cried so much that I don’t understand my tears anymore. This overwhelming burden is too much for me.
I have taken so many hits from being rejected from multiple schools. I tried to apply to research programs to help improve my applications based on the advice of a couple of schools. And I kept seeing rejection. I was starting to get bitter towards God and others. I did not understand why God did not want me to go to school. I have a desire to go back to school. It seemed like He didn’t want me to go. He made me feel stuck.
What added more salt to my wounds was when I saw other people, through social media, getting accepted into their various program choices. I couldn’t be happy because they were in a place I wanted to be. That’s why I rarely scroll their Facebook or Instagram because I am constantly reminded of people in positions I want to be in.
I saw scholarships given. Another wound opened. I was looking at people who aced the test without studying. Stab. So Many other things I can’t remember that hurt me.
Hit after hit after hit.
My thoughts:
“Maybe God is telling me that I am only good at what I am doing right now.” (Currently working as a dance instructor and lead behavior technician, works with children and teens with autism).
“There is no point to pursue when you are going to fail again.”
“I am not smart enough.”
“You should have worked harder.”
“You won’t get in the next time if you apply.”
Bishop Rosie preached a sermon titled Injured Faith. I didn’t realize how injured I was until she taught it. One statement she said, it was inspired me to write this post. “What was meant to inspire you will irritate you when my faith has been injured.”
It explained so much about my current situation. Any wounds around school, family/friends, dating, etc., made my blood start to boil a little like steam coming out of the kennel.
My faith had a tiny infection because I spoke and thought were negative. I knew in my heart that I wanted to go to school; what I said contradicted what I believe.

Bishop Teaching

Bishop Rosie preached a sermon titled Injured Faith. I didn’t realize how injured I was until she taught it. One statement she said, it was inspired me to write this post. “What was meant to inspire you will irritate you when my faith has been injured.”
It explained so much about my current situation. Any wounds around school, family/friends, dating, etc., made my blood start to boil a little like steam coming out of the kennel.
My faith had a tiny infection because I spoke and thought were negative. I knew in my heart that I wanted to go to school; what I said contradicted what I believed.

Encouragement

I highly recommend you watch the video about Injured Faith. Bishop Rosie goes into depth about what is injured faith and use Psalms to explain how injured faith becomes an injection. Bishop explained that you had to go into spiritual rehab to restore your faith. And I will explain how I rehabilitate my injured faith.

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Beautiful Nights: Friendship Poem
- Lifestyle
Original Written: 12/18/21

Beautiful nights like these
We sing we laugh, we dance
Not a care in the world
The best unwritten moments anyone could ask for

Unplanned.
Unscripted.
Unbiased.
Unconditional.

Nobody more built for this than you
You pray for friends like you
That feels so close like glue
Like family

I prayed to God for sisters like you
He placed you and me in the right place,
Right time,
Right season.

Beautiful nights like these
You never forget

We sing we laugh, we dance
Until we are no longer able to stand

Beautiful nights like these
When you don’t know the right time to say goodbye

In these nights
You find your tribe,
Your squad,
Your sisters.

The ones you never want to leave behind
The ones you can tell anything too
The sisters you feel the freest
The most like your authentic self

Thank you for nights like these
This feeling will last a lifetime.

This was inspired by my friends: Amy, Monique, and Terra. We have finished a end of the year celebration for the youth ministry. We stayed a couple of hours after it had ended; we made videos, singed and danced.
Friendship means so much to me. For a long time, I struggled with finding people who cared about me. People who would not use just to get a grade and only looking to benefit themselves. I found authentic, genuine people who will pray for and build me up. And I will do the same.

Encouragement
If you struggled to find authentic friends, here are a few things to keep in mind:
Keep an open mind.
Don’t force bonds to occur. If they are not putting effort into the relationship, don’t push it.
They may have a different ethnicity or religious background than you are used to.
Pray to God that He will provide positive and healthy friends to you.
Don’t try to change yourself to fit somewhere you weren’t intended to fit.
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Meet Dr. Francis Cecil Sumner.
- Psychology
It's Black History Month!

It’s important to share and acknowledge the accomplishments of black people. Since I am focusing spreading awareness of mental health (in general) but especially in black community and learn about psychology. I decided to focus on different psychologists that contributed to development and knowledge of psychology.

Who is Dr. Francis Cecil Sumner?

On December 7, 1895, Dr. Francis Cecil Sumner was born in Pine Bluff, Arkansas. The second child of David Alexander and Ellen Lillian Sumner and the younger brother to Eugene Sumner. Dr. Sumner started his education journey by attending elementary school system in Norfolk, Virginia and Plainfield, New Jersey. Once he completed elementary school. He started to self-education himself with the help of his parents. His father, who was also self-educated, gave him assignments on reading and writing. Sumner did not go to High school. At the age of 15, Sumner enrolled at Lincoln University in 1911. In order to attend college, he had to pass a written exam. He completed Lincoln University and graduated magna cum laude with honor in 1915. In 1916, he enrolled in Clark College to receive his second undergraduate degree.
Sumner when he was attending Clark College (1917).
In 1917, he earned his M.A. degree while teaching at Lincoln University. He went back to Clark to obtain his Ph.D. Before G. Stanley Hall, president of Clark College, could consider his dissertation on difference between Freud and Adler; he was drafted into the US Army to serve in World War I and served as a Sergeant in 808th Pioneers. Pioneer infantry are non-combat units. In summer of 1919, Sumner was able to return to school and published Psychoanalysis of Freud and Alder or Sex-determination and Character Formation. On June 14, 1920, he obtained his Ph.D in psychology.

Accomplishments
Known as the Father of Black Psychology
First African-American to get his Ph.D. degree in psychology
Fun Facts
Worked at Howard University until his death in 1954
Buried with honors at Arlington National Cemetery.
References

American Psychological Assocation. Featured Psychologists: Francis Cecil Sumner, PhD and Inez Beverly Prosser, PhD. American Psychological Association. https://www.apa.org/pi/oema/resources/ethnicity-health/psychologists/sumner-prosser.
Earlham College. (2002, April 25). Personal Biography. http://legacy.earlham.edu/~knigher/personal%20biography.htm.
Thomas, R. K. (2012). Sumner, Francis Cecil. In Encyclopedia of the history of psychological theories 0fol. 2, pp. 1049-1050. New York, NY: Springer-Verlag
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January Checkup: The Truth About Managing My Goals
- Lifestyle
How Did I Do This Month?
I wanted to let you know how I did this month with my goals.
A few of my goals were:
Being consistent
Daily Devotion and Prayer
Balancing work and fun
Write at least two books
Cooking more instead of eating out
I have cooked at least one meal per week. I didn’t start the first week of January to prepare myself and to look at different plans I wanted to cook. I cooked twice on the second week. I cooked chicken parmesan and spaghetti. The following week, I made shrimp and rice. The third week, I made crab legs and steamed veggies.
I am working on being consistent by doing a devotion daily and saying a prayer a day. I missed a couple of days. I felt a little overwhelmed with finding a bible plan and I also got sick due to second hand smoke. I have asthma. I believed I missed one or two days for daily devotional. I am also working on being consistent in my personal. What time I wake up in the morning and giving God thanks for waking me up, what time I take a nap, what time I go to bed, what time I take my vitamins and medicine, etc. I am working on figuring out what time I eat breakfast, lunch and dinner. The time fluctuate depending on numerous things. If I feel like eating, if I leave work on time, if there’s traffic going home, etc.
I haven’t found a good balance of working and having fun. I have been working a lot of hours because I am working on paying for an editor to publish my first book. I am also looking for someone to design my book cover. You can say I am slowly working on getting at least two books published.
What Did I Learn?

It is a slow process and I am figuring out the details of my goal as I go along. I need to remind at times that I will not have everything figured out just yet. It’s all about the journey and what you learn about yourself. I know that many people fall off on making any progress or keep up with the goals they have set out for them. I will be doing monthly check-ins to see how you and I are doing in maintain the goals we set for ourselves. If we fall out course, that’s okay. Just pick up for where you left off or start over. Remember, it’s about the journey not how many goals you can check off.
How was your progress with your goals this month?
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How I Improved My Heart Whisper In One Day
- Mental Health
Who or What Makes Your Heart Feel Lights?
Activities that make my heart feel light:
Watching cartoons shows
Writing in my journal
Taking naps when my body is tired
Driving safe at night while listening to instrumental music
Using a diffuser
Meditation
Reading the Bible
Who makes my heart light:
Jesus
My Friends
Family members who listen and not judge (i.e. my dad)
Church family
How Can You Open Your Heart Today?
Learning to let go of what people say to you that doesn’t reflect who you are
Taking deep, slow breaths to calm my nerves
Accept what emotions come to you without trying to push it away and acknowledge it
I got these questions from an author named Aimee Chase. If you like it, I can post more journal prompts like this. You can use these questions and answer them for yourself.
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